Feeling lonley and discouraged.

Have you ever had the feeling that your not welcome? Or like no one wants you around, unless you are helping them? That's how I'm feeling tonight.

It seems like I do everything wrong, or I just can't get ahead. But if I do someone else a favor, things are cool for about 5 minuets, then its back to me being a screw up.

I'm not trying to wine, or wallow in self pitty. But it seems pretty messed up that, when I'm not needed people point out all my faults, then expect me to smile when they want me to do them a favor.

Maybe I'm not the best at cleaning, maybe I forget to wipe down the sink, or sweep everyday, but does that make me a bad guest? Does it make it ok to degrade me, and make me feel like crap? I don't know anymore.... maybe I'm better off somewhere else.

Rough days

I've had a few rough days living with my brother. Its not my ideal situation, but it seems to be getting a bit better. There are still issues, but no more screaming matches. It could just be the quiet before the storm, or it could be getting better. I'm not sure which but I'm hoping for better. I really do love my family, but sometimes its hard to make things work.

Too tired to sleep.

I spent the day helping my sister in law with her and my brother's kids. Crying, wining, screaming... you know normal kid stuff.
Had to clean up and unpack as soon as I had free time. Started at 11pm, just finished at 2am. I'm dead tired, but at least I'm mostly unpacked, and have clothes to wear, and don't have to dig for stuff.
I'm getting used to living with my brother, his gf, and kids. Its not perfect, and I bite my tounge a lot, but it could be worse.....

Feeling the pressure

Ok I'm begining to weigh the pros, and cons of moving here...
Maybe I should have done this before I moved? Its not like I'm being treated like crap, I'm just starting to realize I miss the freedom of having my own place. I don't like following someone else's rules, or being in someone else's space. I like having my own space. Sharing a bathroom with kids, and having to take everything in and out every day, since they will get into stuff bites.

I like having me time, not being surrounded. And I love my family, but I'm not cut out to be dealing with kids, and babies all the time. Having people tell me the proper way to clean, or when to clean bugs the crap out of me.
Having to watch what I say, or what I leave out, or eat is driving me nutts. I know it could be worse, but damn I just want my quiet life, and my 2 bedroom apartment back....

All souls day

So last night I went to an all souls day party at the reservation. It was very fun, interesting, and a bit strange. They feed the ghosts, visit and clean off graves, and have a big meal.
There is a day of the dead parade later on this week near my dad's shop, maybe I will go to that too.

I have arrived

I have finished my voyage to Arizona, but my story isn't done yet. I have made it to my brother's and saw my neice and nefews. Now I will start to settle in, and get my life started here. As I learn new things and go new places I will continue to write.

Denver

I just made it to my half way point, a stop in Denver. The airport is lovely, huge and very interesting. Though its kinda lonley traveling alone. I can't wait to see a firmiliar face. I'm still very tired, maybe I will nap on the next flight. I hope it goes as smoothly as the first.

The cost of moving

So yesterday I went to UPS to mail 11 boxes, the guys there were great. Very kind workers very professional, and helpfull. The hard part came when paying over $400 for my boxes. Granted my boxes were very very heavy, but dropping that kind of cash sucked!

Here's a sucky note so I went to FedX and they are double the price of UPS, also they refused to send all but one of my boxes. The worker said it was because "they are storage boxes, not shipping boxes" bull! Their boxes that they tried to sell me looked exactly the same as the ones I bought at WallMart, except the FedX logo on the sides.
Whatever my mom agreed to go to UPS for me on Monday. Thank god for moms!

My last full day in my home state.

Its 3:00am on October 29th 2011, and it my last full day in michigan. There is so much to do and so little time. Its hard to think I am leaving the state where I was born, and where so many of my happy memories took place. I am excited but also scared. I want to see my family so bad, but what if I don't like it in Arizona? What if I can't get along with my brother (which I will be staying with)? What if I get home sick?
This will be a whole new experence for me, please wish me luck.

4 days till move

4 days, just 4 days! I am a mess and so is my apartment. There is so much to do, in so little time. So much to think about, and to plan, I'm not sure how I will do it all, but it must be done. I'm so worried that I won't be ready, or will be late, or will forget, or lose something important. I just need more time! I know if I had just one more week I could do this, but let's face it we always want more time, its human nature....

Movers!

Ok so I spent the last week running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I was buying my plane ticket, finding a moving company, packing, stressing, and worring I wouldn't get everything done.

Well first I have my ticket threw Fronteer airlines, they weren't the cheapest, but they are allowing me to bring 2 free check bags, and that for sure covered the little extra I am paying. I'm taking an extra check just because I went overbord packing, but its only $50 more.

The stress attack of the week came when packing for the movers. I tend to procrastinate, so I was dragging my feet on packing boxes, and left most of it till last minuet (as in last night). Bad idea! I would advise no one to ever do this. I was up all last night, and was packing up till literly the last second.

Thankfully the movers were amazing. I hired E-Z Movers, they have the nifty pink trucks. They came in marked everything, and didn't even get crappy that my stuff didn't match my invoice list (I was over by a few boxes). And they were fast! Like super fast, I was amazed they were done in like 30 min. I know I didn't have alot, but thats still amazing. They were also really nice and didn't complain that my boxes were super heavy.
I did have to pay an extra fee (long carry fee), which kinda sucked since I am low on cash, but they were cool about it, and explained it to me. Since I had looked it up online before I knew it was probley coming, and they wern't trying to pull one over on me.
I'm just gonna say I hope the guys that drop my stuff off, are this professional, and not jerks.

After the movers came I had some cider (one of the major things I will miss about Mi.), and then I went to bed, since I hadn't slept in over 30 hours.